Sun bursting through the clouds in Montreal on New Year's Day.

I’ve been thinking lately about the power of vulnerability. A recent TED talk by Brene Brown got me thinking about it and it seems to keep popping up in different ways. Seems like I often want to show people my best side – to win games, to not make mistakes, not show weakness, be a team player, and to be generally perfect. Kind of a common instinct I think as we are often rewarded for achievement in school and work with recognition, no matter how superficial. But is there a cost to this? I think so.

When I think about people that I respect – a lot of them have achieved some amazing things in their lives. They are usually confident, brave, hard-working people who are realizing their values. I truly do find that laudable. But the people that I really LOVE? Not necessarily the same. I think that comes from feeling a real connection with someone. From feeling that they are authentically themselves and that self resonates with me. They are often showing their true feelings when it is not convenient, or could make them “look bad”. It’s not perfection and achievement that I tend to love – it’s raw, real, humanity. When I think of singers that really move me, it the ones who aren’t necessarily so great technically, but sing their heart out and sound like they are truly alive like Neil Young, Bob Dylan, or Tom Waits.

In life I can see myself acting this disconnection out in different arenas – too my detriment. At work I often try to appear polished and professional, which is important of course – but to an extreme can be isolating. Especially in workshops I lead I have found that it is very important to me to feel connected to the audience – to find out where they are at and open to them, but also to let parts of me out too so some meaningful connection can happen. In counselling appointments this is a bit easier, but I think I am starting to work it in to group situations as well, and feel positive connection ensues.

In personal relationships I often am hesitant to share difficult feelings – especially if I am upset with someone else – I would rather keep going like nothing is bothering me and not rock the boat. But this usually leads to a disconnect and some resentment until I eventually pull away or tell the person. Ironically when I share the upset (at least when I do it constructively where it is about me and not putting them on the defensive), then it ends up being something that we share and grow closer with, instead of being a barrier like it was when I didn’t express it in the first place. Sheesh.

It’s definitely scary to open up and be yourself like that. I’m not so good at it. Yet. But I’m thinking of words that a friend of mine lived by: “Tell the truth” and “Do what you want”. Not too bad as a tandem motto going forward into 2012. Everything in moderation of course, but I really feel that in the long term being honest with yourself and other people, especially in important relationships with partners, friends and family, is the only sustainable way to go. Of course! But it does take work. It is not always easy to tell the truth. Or to admit what you really want in a situation. It’s not always going to be popular. And will require negotiation and letting some things go. But I think by being authentic and honest things will straighten things out in the long run. Friends and work will end up being more in line with who you really are instead of who you think you should be. Which is a whole lot easier in the end…

Perhaps a little reflection is in order...?

I’ve been paying a lot of attention to the Occupy movement in the last while and have to admit I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is excited to see people standing up for change, expressing frustration with a system that isn’t working, and trying to work together. It’s inspiring, plain and simple.

But almost immediately after the slogan  of We Are the 99% started finding traction, I had the thought: are we not actually the %100? I think it is wonderful to have folks united under the idea of 99% all together, but it still has the air of polarization. Of Us versus Them. Of being a victim.

This idea is not unique to me. I just googled “We are the 100%” and found lots of interesting posts and articles of variations on the same theme of unity instead of separation. One of my favorites was a recently posted picture of a billboard that read: “Stuck in traffic? You ARE traffic.” Brilliant. We can be sitting in traffic looking at all the other cars, furious at them for being in the way, delaying us, not allowing us to get what we want, without realizing that we are doing the EXACT same thing that they are. We are in their way, delaying them, and stopping them from getting what they want. And each of us in the traffic jam stubbornly blames all the other cars without seeing how we are contributing just as much to the mess as them. Instead of carpooling, taking transit, biking, living closer to work, or exploring other options, we bemoan the traffic and sit impatiently waiting for it to change.

So how does that apply to the 100%? To society at large? I’d like to know what YOU think actually. I have ideas for what I can do, but I think that my point is that it is up to each person to actually look at what YOU are doing to contribute to this mess and hold themselves accountable. Blaming others is a very easy way out of looking at ways we need to clean up our own act.

So? Perhaps, indeed, a little reflection IS in order. A little time to think about the unconscious patterns of behaviour we go through in our daily lives and why we do them. The things we buy. The things we eat. What we do for fun. Where we work. How we treat other people. It’s very easy to get caught up in the routines of daily life and not question why or look at the consquences – especially if the consequences are not immediately visible – like when our garbage gets conveniently hauled away by big trucks, or our crap gets flushed away down the toilet. Or the way we treat a stranger or honk at someone in traffic ripples out through their lives and doesn’t seem to affect our own lives, even though it IS adding to the level of negativity of the world at large.

So what does that mean for me personally? I’m going to keep working hard to wake up. To see the ways that I am dumping my garbage on the rest of the world – physical garbage and pollution, as well as emotional garbage and stress. And continue letting go of things that aren’t actually helping me or other people to be happier in a meaningful way. And recognizing my own hypocrisy and how I am contributing. I drive a car that uses gas and pollutes. I buy stuff from stores. I throw out garbage. I am not always nice to people. I am benefiting from this system that I am criticizing. I am using a computer that was made by a big company to type this post! I am NOT better than the 1% of rich people who seem to be such a big part of the problem. I am a part of the problem. AND part of the solution. Just like the rest of the %100.

Schade, our new puppy.

Taking our newish puppy (new this summer) for a walk today in the woods and teaching her to heal has been teaching ME a few things as well. She’s coming off of surgery from getting fixed and so she can’t run around and chase all the fun stuff she normally loves to chase. But she still wants to. So we have to walk her on the leash for the next week till she heals a bit more – and it is the perfect time to work on developing a little puppy discipline.

When we first got the puppy I was kind of against training her too much, thinking that she should be allowed to run wild and free and follow her animal instincts. And I still feel that a lot of the time. But there are SO many situations where she needs to be under our control – like when she caught a chicken for the second time last week. Or runs through the garden. Or in front of moving vehicles. Is this just a problem because of civilization? If she were in nature she would get to be totally free I suppose?

Well, not actually. She would still end up getting conditioned by the other animals around her – like our older German Shepherd Elke – who is constantly putting her in her place in the pecking order with a nip or growl or chase.

Watching her today on the walk I would see her start to get ahead of me and pull on the leash, then I’d bark a “no” or a “hey” or “heel” and she would immediately slow down and let me get ahead and for a few moments she would follow my lead. And then promptly get distracted again and want to run after the next exciting moving or stinky thing we came across. And we would repeat. Over and over. And over. And she IS slowly learning it.

And the benefits are apparent. When she caught the chicken last week we just yelled at her and she let it go – which goes very strongly against her instincts! After that we took her into the chicken pen and I walked around with her and every time she started to go after them I’d give her a yank and a “no” and eventually she stopped running after them. Fascinating.

So. Where’s the lesson about me in all this? Well it just so happens that today I’ve been watching my own internal puppy – my mind. Running here and there after this and that. And practicing calling it back over and over. Because most of the time I can see that I am thinking about future things – mostly about the amount of work I have to do this fall – and getting stressed out by it. But also by other things too, temptations that are calling to me – like tv, ice cream, and more. And all of them distracting me from the present moment.

And when I come back here, to this moment, over and over, I first see some basic anxiety or stress that I am avoiding. But after I spend a little time with it, it stops being quite so intense. And starts to lose its hold a bit. And I’m starting to see it more and more like another bodily process that is just unfolding. And this stress is pretty much all arising from something that is not actually physically HERE right now. It is coming from a THOUGHT about something – mostly future work, but lots of other things too. And none of these thoughts are actually 100 % true – they are all just one limited perspective. They are mostly projections, delusions, fantasies, fears, and opinions. And the more I let this stress push me around into doing things to not feel it like watching tv, or whatever other distraction, the more it is in charge of me.

Not that I can never follow my thoughts or feelings and act on them. I have to. All the time. But it is so helpful to be able to break out of their control and get a little taste of the present – especially when I start to get caught up in things that I can’t do anything about. Like future work. Or craving something I can’t have. And that is when the suffering begins…

So then the mind training comes back. Here puppy. Heel. Heal.

No place else to go but here...

Maybe Guns’n'Roses had it right after all. Seems like lately I could use just a little more patience. Actually, not just lately. Probably for most of my life.

Lately I’m focused on exciting new things coming in the fall – like my new job starting at the Queen’s Career Centre as a Career Counsellor (at this point only a 3 month PT contract – but an exciting new adventure nonetheless). And other things too, like a new sports league I’ll be starting soon, joining the Wintergreen Studios board of directors, and the NFP Fall Gathering. And on top of all of that, my friends (and soon to be neighbours) Adam and Louise are finally moving in just down the road by the end of the month. So I’ve got a world of change coming just around the corner.

But right now? It kind of seems like the same old thing. It’s still summer. Today is hot. And my life doesn’t really seem that different than it has been for the last month. And I find myself wishing it away sometimes. Looking forwards to the action and excitement of the fall and the changes coming. Which makes the present all that much more torturous – historically I have been a terribly impatient fellow. Wanting to open presents early before Christmas, or finding them way ahead of time as a kid.

My friend Wendy has a song called “What am I Rushing to?” that I listen to frequently – and it reminds me to come back to now. Paying attention to what is going on in my life now that I could be savouring instead of looking towards the next thing that is coming. I am so often doing that – I’ll notice myself speeding on the way in to Kingston wanting to get there and get the trip over with. And obviously, life is a journey and not a destination, as they say – but it can be hard to remember that in the middle of it all.

There was just an interesting article in the Star about kids who would have a marshmallow put in front of them and told if they can wait and not eat it, then they will get TWO instead. And so many of them just eat it anyways, unable to delay gratification. A pretty common trend with the modern pace of things I suspect – so much available on-demand – food, tv, internet, cell phones – all speeding things up and making it all faster and more convenient.

Is faster better? Is there a benefit to having to wait for something? Why do people say that good things take time? I suppose that one obvious benefit is that if we become future oriented then we can easily miss out on the present moment, which is all that life is made of in the first place. And besides that, there are a number of things that DO take time. Like growing food, learning new skills, making new friends, or starting to feel at home in a new place.

I guess the next time I find myself rushing, and thinking “What AM I rushing to?” – I can also look at right now and see – “What am rushing FROM?”. Is right here and now so miserable? How will whatever future change comes actually make my life that much better, really? And what will I miss about this time at hand once the future has come? Like right now, I can tell that I’m going to be super busy this fall, and having a week left before it all starts to get crazy, I can appreciate the time and space at hand. Because that is what IS at hand right now, and it won’t be forever…

A little lake time does a body good...

Wuh? A month and a half since my last post and my whole universe has shifted. And now I find myself alone again. And experiencing that in a whole new way – it has been 5 years since I was last single and a lot has changed since then. Now I am living in the country on a farm instead of the city for one – and solitude here is oh so very different. But as I grapple with it and face it head on I can see that my fear of it is pretty much unfounded.

Today I was sitting at the lake and looking out at the water watching a solitary loon floating by when it started calling out – with no other loons around. Communicating with other species? Or calling out wishing there were other loons nearby? Or just expressing whatever it was experiencing at that moment? It sure seemed at peace floating there calmly. And for the first time in a while, I was too. Seeing this solitude as a gift instead of a self-inflicted curse.

Not only can this space be a chance for healing and processing, it can also give birth to tremendous creativity and insight. Without other people around, I get more and more honest with myself about what I am feeling, and what I really want and need in the moment. I often tend to pay a lot of attention to people who are around me, and without them there I start to listen to my own inner voice a little more. Self-centred sounding? It does to me actually. But if I want to be able to be of any use to the world, I do need to look after my own needs too. Like a plant that wants to feed people but never takes in water for itself, I would wither too if I didn’t address what I need. And right now, what I need is a bit of space.

And out of this space is already birthing a new understanding of reality, my own existence, and how I operate in the world. And a new understanding of peace – particularly the inner kind. In the week after breaking up, I went on a previously scheduled meditation retreat – one of the most emotionally intense weeks of my life – but incredibly valuable and full of growth and insight about myself. And a taste of peace that I hadn’t really known in years. The peace that comes from accepting things as they are without trying to do something about it, judging it, fixing it, planning for something, or analyzing it.

After coming back, it has been a whirlwind of activity with garlic harvest on the farm, other work, and interesting future possibilities tempting me into whirlwinds of activity and thought and away from the present moment again. But now that I have tasted it, I have a sense of what is possible. And of the nature of the thoughts and feelings that sweep me away until I notice them and come back to reality. Physical reality here right now. Right here. And letting this space last a while without rushing to fill it with something new…

Riders on the storm...

Lately I’ve been percolating on the theme of looking for calm in the midst of chaos – and recent events have given me ample opportunity to practice. Not only have we had some extreme weather, but life has been a bit of a whirlwind too – with wedding plans continuing to take shape, a mountain of work to do on the farm, and a flurry of activity with the New Farm Project, I’ve hardly had time to take a breather until today.

In the winter I was in a much more chill state, taking 2 ten-day retreats, working short days, and reading and relaxing to my heart’s content (which did have an impact on my bank account) – and was generally feeling pretty good about life, and handling most of the up’s and down’s smoothly. This state of grace didn’t last long once spring sprang – from syrup onwards I’ve been busy – and operating in a whole different realm. But somehow this busyness is not quite the same as in previous years. While I’m still stressed out at times – I’m generally able to find some peace in the middle of it all.

How? What is different now? I suppose I’ve been developing a few strategies over my years practicing meditation that I’m applying in the heat of the moment. That is the key – to be able to implement them not just when I’m sitting on a cushion and in control of the situation. And to be able to do this, I’m devoting more attention to general mindfulness – throughout my daily activities. Just paying attention to what I’m doing moment by moment – my actions, thoughts, and feelings. This combined with meditation are building the muscles of self-awareness that can help me get out of habit patterns and spirals before they get out of hand.

And then, in the middle of the action, I can pull out an appropriate strategy and see what happens. It’s like having a pause button in a video game – where I can think about things for a second in the middle of everything. What kind of strategies am I talking about? Mostly shifts in perspective – because that is the one thing that I always have a chance to control. I often shift my attention to one of the following thoughts or sensations:

1. Body sensations. By shifting from focusing on my thoughts (which only generate more stress/upset when I focus on them), I focus on the physical sensation in my body, or my breathing. This cuts off the feedback loop and starts to bring things under control somewhat.
2. Compassion. Whatever i am suffering through right now can be a vehicle to develop compassion for folks who are much worse off than I.
3. Who is doing this? When I start looking at something I’m doing that I don’t like, or am overly proud of – I can observe and see where the action is actually coming from. It generally seems to be happening on its own, like I am just a witness to its unfolding.
4. Shift in time or space. By looking at this moment from a bigger perspective in time or space, it puts it in context – and often makes the crisis seem less overwhelming. Like asking “how important will this be in a week, month, or year?”
5. What beliefs or positionalities is this stress based on? Usually there is some assumption underneath that I have granted the status of truth, without questioning. Like if I am stressed about being late for something, or not getting a job done on time – asking “what would really happen if I didn’t do this on time?” or “who says I have to be in a hurry?”

If I didn't learn to stay, I'd never notice flowers like these Dutchman's Britches popping up in the early spring...

I’m staying.

That’s what David Suzuki said he was told by Gary Snyder as the two most radical words we can say. For many reasons. These two words keep coming back to me in many arenas of life and I’m seeing their power and importance. What happens when we commit to something. Intentionally. Not by default. Or lack of a better option. But by making a conscious choice. And declaring it. I’m staying. Like natives defending their territory, farmers defending their fields, or citizens defending their community and families. Things can happen when we decide to stay.

In career, love, and home I’ve found it challenging to say these words for many reasons. Thinking there would be something better, more comfortable, more exciting, more fulfilling elsewhere. And I’ve looked around at places to live, people to share my life with, and things to do for a living. After all this searching, have I found the perfect fit for any of the three? No. Not in terms of being easy and comfortable. In fact, in all three, I’m doing things that are more challenging for me personally in many ways than things that have come before.

I’ve realized (repeatedly it seems) that changing my external circumstances does not reflect in my inner circumstances changing much, for long, or at all. I can be miserable, sad, angry, and anxious with anyone, any place, at any time. In the end, once a reasonable fit is found, where I can live according to my values, and explore some interests and use some skills, the specifics don’t seem to matter too much. They obviously matter some. But the point is that even in a good fit, I will still face struggle and pain. I can’t avoid this!

So I’m ready. Read to say I’m staying. And even thinking about that brings up anxiety – thoughts that I haven’t explored all my options. That I should go off to some other place where everything is happy all the time. Which obviously doesn’t exist.

So what’s the difference? If in any place I can experience ups and downs, then why stay here? This is home. This is where I am from. This is the one that I love.

I recently asked Leah to marry me, which is happening this fall. I’m committing further to work on the farm here, and we are expanding operations modestly, and upgrading some equipment. And friends of ours are buying a house down the road and we will explore a farming partnership. And in the New Farm Project we are doing long-term work towards community building and food system development. And none of these things could happen without deciding to stay. Big things require commitment and investment.

Talking about marriage with Leah a little while ago it occured to me that marriage doesn’t mean to me that I will always love her unconditionally and accept everything that she says and does completely. There will be times that I can’t stand her. But it does mean that we will always come back to work it out and solve the challenge and move on. Our commitment to each other, in the form of this marriage, is bigger than any disagreement about who should have done what or what movie we want to see. It’s like a container that the ups and downs happen in. Very much like observing sensations, thoughts and feelings in a meditation practice, but with two now. And real community and friendship is like this too.

Dan Pink wrote about that trait in his wicked comic Johnny Bunko. That persistence trumps talent anytime. So did Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers – the high achievers who make it look so easy – like Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, or the Beatles – have all put it in over 10,000 hours on their craft to become masters.

So that’s what’s on the table. Do you want to do great things? Have a great love? A great life? It comes down to sticking it out. Picking up the pieces, dusting yourself off, and trying again. Failing 99 times and getting it right on the 100th try. If we want to change our lives for the better, and especially our world for the better, I really believe it comes down to this. Digging in our heels. Taking a stand. And saying it. I’m staying.

Like Tai Chi. And Traditional Chinese Medicine. And the Tao Te Ching. And Asian cuisine – liking cooking with things like seaweed, mushrooms, sesame oil, miso, and mung and adzuki beans. And lately the game of Go.

Curious how that is happening – they all seem to be leading me to each other. I guess it started mostly with Tai Chi? And as I learned more about that, I started being curious about cuisine, and philosophy, and now even entertainment. All reflecting certain themes that I’m exploring lately that are central to Taoist thought. Like balance, and non-doing, and nonduality.

I just finished reading The One Straw Revolution – combining my interest in farming with Asian philosophy. In it, an eccentric Japanese farmer talks about his approach to “do nothing farming”. Which really appeals to me personally! Not that I am lazy – I just hate wasted effort and resources, and inefficiencies that take up my time when I could be doing something else. His approach is not actually about doing NOTHING, but only doing what is required – at the heart of it is no-till farming. Everytime we till the soil, we bust up all the wonderful little micro-organisms and structures in place that really add a host of benefits and micronutrients to our food. When we constantly till, we lose a lot of these. And pave the way for weeds that specifically like open bare soil to come in. So we have to till more. And weed more. Instead of looking to work with nature’s cycles and do less – more like permaculture.

Which I am a big fan of. I think this is really about wasted effort. If we can see how things naturally want to be, and how we can use that to our advantage, it can make life so much easier. Like recently, we just moved the chickens out to pasture in our green manure sections of the garden – saving a step in the process of having them poop in the barn and then carrying it to the garden. Now they just poop in the garden directly! And are happier – doing what chickens do best – scratching around for bugs in the dirt.

So this summer, at this point at least, I’m looking to harness natural forces, existing energies and momentum. Why do the work of forcing something that doesn’t want to happen? Instead – I’m looking to work with things that WANT to happen. Like our work with the New Farm Project – we are doing an Action Research project called Plan to Grow: Scaling Up Local Food Production for Kingston and Countryside. And will be talking to people in the community who are already doing this work – to see how we can all work together better to meet our needs as a community – instead of each person, or farm, or group having to do everything for themselves. Things are off to a promising start already…

I came across this in a 20-year-old paper while cleaning up the sugar shack. A clipping of the closing of the small rural school where I went for Grades 1 to 4.

With a little time on my hands between syrup runs, I’ve gotten in to the zone of spring cleaning today. Starting with vacuuming and dusting and beating out rugs, and moving on to getting rid of things that I no longer need or use. Like a bunch of books and my once precious xbox. And overhauling this blog for a new look.

There is definitely something energizing about a deep cleaning out, and a purging of unnecessary things in our lives. Just not having the physical objects around in my cozy living space frees things up significantly in the room and in my psychic space. Less things to pay attention to, look after, and worry about. A breath of fresh air comes through as I get rid of the old to make way for the new.

Sometimes this breath of fresh air and change comes in a form that we do not like at all. In a recent meeting of Open Minds, the philosophical discussion group we started last month, someone brought up a painful experience they were going through where they were being unjustly accused of something. And the best course of action was clearly to NOT fight it, but rather to bear it, knowing they are doing the right thing. An inspiring course of action – rather like Jesus turning the other cheek or Mother Theresa saying “Let them eat you up” to her co-workers. And in the discussion that followed we talked about how this kind of suffering can be a great opportunity to open our hearts up further, and let go of our attachments to ideas about what other people think about us. A recent quote I love paraphrased applied “The gift of great suffering is that it tears from you all but that which you truly are.”

And further reflecting on this afterwards, while reading more from A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield, I starting seeing generosity and giving as a very powerful spiritual practice – one that I never quite understood before. The gift to ourselves when giving is that we are surrendering our attachment to whatever it is we are giving. Opening ourselves up further in an area where we were closed and tight. Which is liberating. And we get these opportunities all the time – everytime I notice myself being selfish with my time, money, possesions – I am invited to open up a little, and let go. Kornfield cautions that we have to be ready to give, however – to not give because we think we should and end up draining ourselves or resenting the person we have given to. But when we are ready to truly give with no expectation of reward, it will happen of its own accord.

Look at what the light did now...

Sometimes I come up with post titles after writing them, but this time it is my starting point. Seems like everything in life lately is revolving around this theme, or at least can be interpreted that way. Since my last post a month ago, February has flown by in a whirlwind of weekend visits to Ottawa and Toronto, Eco Farm Day in Cornwall, lots of firewood cutting, and continuation of Tai Chi and cooking classes. All of which I have been greatly enjoying. Mix in some New Farm Project meetings and work, a bit of reading, meditating, and hanging out with Leah and that pretty much sums it all up. Really, a month is not all that long, but now that I am finally taking time to reflect on it – it seems like I’ve packed a lot of things in to that month.

I’ve just polished off another book, this one called “Making Time” – about our experience of the flow of time. What makes it fly by, or drag on. A lot has to do with how busy we are, or bored, with how much we are absorbed in things like work or tv, and how much routine or new experiences we are going through. The author (Steve Taylor) mentions 2 key factors that affect our experience of time: how much new information we are taking in, and how strong our sense of ego is (and the associated mental chatter that goes with it). He goes through a couple of examples of folks who travel constantly and pack a lot of new experiences and life into a short span, but also points out the drawbacks of having no home base – and that travel itself becomes routine eventually. So? He recommends 3 things to enhance our relationship to time and not have life whiz by in a blur of routine of work, tv, and activity. They are meditation (sitting twice a day), mindfulness (paying attention to the world around you when you are NOT meditating and noticing what is there with beginner’s eyes), and slowing down. I feel like I’m doing reasonably well at the first two most of the time, but the third one could use some attention – I am often rushing around trying to do things quickly so I can get to the next thing – driving, cooking, eating, reading, talking – so this month I’m going to start paying attention to that…

Flow is also starting to happen in the maple trees around me as we are getting things together to prepare for another season. After having gone through this last year already, I am in a better position to enjoy the process a little more and not be quite so overwhelmed by it all. Plus we are more ready ahead of time than we usually are – most all of the tapping is done already – which usually happens after the beginning of the season has already happened…

Flow is most decidedly NOT happening in my wallet. This is my poorest time of year – and I am ok with that actually. It is easier than last year as I know that I have more money coming soon. But after a $1000 brake job on my car, and paying another $800 in taxes, I am close to broke. But I do know that more is coming. And am not anxious about it. I’m actually grateful to have what I do – and all my needs are being met. So even though I have only $150 in the bank – I would not define this as poverty. I have what I need. Food. Shelter. Family and Friends. Books. Nature. A working car.

Flow also happened at a recent gathering I organized with a few fellow spiritually minded folks for some discussion and a potluck. I called the event “Open Minds” to emphasize the safety of the group for discussing any ideas that folks wanted to discuss. We started by exploring ideas for the group, including meeting structure and discussion guidelines, and then launched into a spirited discussion about life, death, and a host of things in between. One of the things I most enjoyed about the group was how the conversation flowed – we came up with the mechanism of using a collection of stones placed at the centre of the table as “talking sticks”. Whenever someone had something to say, they would take one, maybe jot down what they wanted to say, and then bring their full attention back to the person who was speaking. And it worked like a charm – the whole group seemed to self-organize amazingly with a very supportive atmosphere – surpassing my expectations.

And now what? I am looking at the prospect of a VERY busy next month of syrup making, once the weather settles in to the necessary warm days and cold nights pattern. But I’m doing it in a different way than before. In the background of all these things that I’m doing is my evolving relationship with my dad. Since his prostate cancer surgery he has found out that he will have to do radiation treatment in April. He has taken this news in stride, and is amazingly transforming every day before my eyes. In addition to doing tai chi weekly, he has also started meditating every day, and taking life slower. And I am appreciating our time together that much more. So I’m looking at this syrup season as a chance to share something that he loves to do together. Lucky to be savouring the experience in the moment, instead of looking back thinking how I wish I had only been more present…